I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
