I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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