and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
