You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
