Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
3pm strippers are depressing
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
