Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
