You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize