what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The beers last night were like the tears from god
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
