it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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