So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
