So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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