Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
