I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
