I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
