after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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