kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
