that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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