do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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