Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
