We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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