She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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