While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
