he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
