maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
