man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Randomize
