so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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