She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
