Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
