I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
