I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
