Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
