we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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