Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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