people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
