Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize