you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I need a burrito and a hug.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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