I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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