Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She is in my trunk
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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