Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
