Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
