Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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