I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
be right there i have to get my cape
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize