I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
