i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
