You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
