You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
