she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
