If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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