Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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