Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
