It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
