I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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