Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
