I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
