Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the day after is always just damage control
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
