We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize