i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
