tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Randomize
