found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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