My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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