we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
