Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
