Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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