on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
