you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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