Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
