Define "chronic" masturbator.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
