I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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