Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
