It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize