Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
