I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
