I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
