i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
