Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
