How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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