Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
