i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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