We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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