Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
