Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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