Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
