There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
