im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
