can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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