I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
