you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
