There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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