The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
