Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
