Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
