Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
