I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
