When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
