i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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