Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
