CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
God, I missed his penis.
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