Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
