I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
