CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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