And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
