Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
