I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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