This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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