i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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